you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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