glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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