Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
