Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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