I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
