I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
