isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
