watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
