everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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