FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
