He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
