Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
