no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
