Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
