So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i believe in u and ur pee
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
