Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
