i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
