i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
