this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
