May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I currently don't understand fingers.
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