I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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