so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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