My Higher Power is John Stamos
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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