you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
smell my finger.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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