Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
