we're blogging at a bar
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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