Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
