I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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