Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
