the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
