My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you win again, gameday.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
