I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
