How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
