At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
