I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love having hate sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
