Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
