okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
