Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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