Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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