So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
