Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
