Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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