he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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