Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
