do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
