Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
