first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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