4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
