Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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