he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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