I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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