Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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