I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
