Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
